Mountain Dew, I Miss You
A week ago I gave up the stuff. Ten years ago I wrote this and more:
First my mother preaches…All is not lost, however; I have begun experimenting with trace amounts of Mountain Dew in my bottled water (there's an irony, isn't there, in a "Mountain Dew"-flavored water), and am also considering Coke in my tea.
You are what you eat
Then Descartes teaches
You are because you think
But ask me my position
I'll do all the addition
And come to the conclusion
I am what I drink
And I drink Mountain Dew… A lot of Mountain Dew… Oh, how I drink so much Mountain Dew…
(Audience:) How much do you drink?
So
Much
That…
I bleed Mountain Dew
I spit Mountain Dew
And when my stomach hurts
I shit Mountain Dew
I sweat Mountain Dew
I sneeze Mountain Dew
And when I pop a pimple
I squeeze Mountain Dew
If I were a woman
I'd milk Mountain Dew
And if I were a worm
I'd silk Mountain Dew
My sperm's Mountain Dew
My stool's Mountain Dew
And when I see the dentist
My drool's Mountain Dew
Mountain Dew… I am you!
