List of Trekma characters

Playable characters

• 
  Lieutenant Kuan (misc. voices)

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  Capt. Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart)—accessible only via cheat, NPC Picard remains in his quarters for most of the game, apart from the opening scene and ending.

Tricordering him results in the following: The rate at which Picard's hairline is receeding [sic] is increasing exponentially.

Talking to him offers the following selections and pre-recorded responses, respectively:
What are your orders, sir? "Let's all great drunk and play ping-pong!"
You have ALL the Godzilla models? "And the official underwear, too."
Give you a round. "Make the necessary preparations."
Isn't that a picture of Dr. Crusher on the screen? "Yeah, very sexy."

If able to fulfill certain requisites, his first selection and response becomes, respectively:
Lemme try the Kobayashi Maru test again. "Make it so."

• 
  Cmdr. William Riker (Jonathan Frakes)—accessible only via cheat, NPC Riker remains on the bridge for most of the game, apart from the ending.

Tricordering him results in the following: Look, his beard grew 6 mm.

Talking to him offers the following selections and pre-recorded responses, respectively:
Try to make your acting a bit better. "I'll do my best."
Why does Trekma beat "A Final Unity?" "More drama, adventure, life, death, Klingons." (and no Romulans with Australian accents!)
KFC...KFC...KFC...KFC...KFC...KFC... "Can't get it out of my mind."
We finished downloading those "pierced" GIFs you requested. "On screen."

• 
  Lt. Commander Data (Brent Spiner)—accessible only via cheat, NPC Data remains at ops on the bridge for most of the game, apart from the ending.

Tricordering him results in the following: ♬ Old yellow eyes is back ♬

Talking to him offers the following selections and pre-recorded responses, respectively:
This is quite a game, huh? "This is a computer simulation."
Data, have you ever kissed a man? "What are you suggesting?"
I'm gonna kick your ass. "That is extremely unwise."
What's your analysis of dis? Zzzip! "It is large."

• 
  Lt. Worf (Michael Dorn)—accessible only via cheat, NPC Worf remains at tactical on the bridge for most of the game, apart from the ending, moving only to be fired as a photon torpedo and intercepting attempts to access the aft station behind him.

Tricordering him results in the following: Worf keeps the chocolate up his ridged Klingon ass.

Attempting to subdue him with the batt'leth reveals his skill in unarmed combat.

Talking to him offers the following selections and pre-recorded responses, respectively:
You are one ugly motherfucker. [Roar]
You... you have insulted me! "I, I am sorry."
Why were you looking at Troi's files? "It is difficult to explain."
How was it at Wings to Go? "I thought I was going to die."

• 
  Lt. Cmdr. Geordi LaForge (Levar Burton)—accessible only via cheat, NPC Geordi moves from engineering to Ten Forward during the game.

Tricordering him results in the following: Geordi's been on the holodeck recently.

Talking to him offers the following selections and pre-recorded responses, respectively:
What was it like on the holodeck? "I had a great time."
What was it like on the holodeck? "I actually had an opportunity to touch Counselor Troi."
What was it like on the holodeck? "It was warm, and oh, there was this amazing tingling sensation."
I need a high-tech engineering tool. "Here you go." [here the voice is that of creator Jinsoo Kang)

When said tool is received, his second selection and response becomes, respectively:
What was it like on the holodeck? "Fascinating."

• 
  Counselor Deanna Troi (Marina Sirtis)—accessible only via cheat, NPC Deanna remains on the bridge for most of the game, apart from the ending. She also appears in the holodeck when selecting "Troi program NAMJAE-1" but is alas, behind a really thick wall. So thick in fact, that no-clipping mode still does not allow passage through it.

Tricordering her results in the following: Counselor Deanna Troi Acting ability: less than 2%

Talking to him offers the following selections and pre-recorded responses, respectively:
Would you like eat a little KFC with me? "I think I'd better clear my calendar for the next few weeks."
I'm going to buy your stand-up. Hee hee. "You can't start thinking like that."
Hey Deanna... what can you do with dis? "Have fun with it."
Charge back, forward, down, fierce... "What's that supposed to mean."

• 
  Dr. Beverly Crusher (Gates McFadden)—accessible only via cheat, NPC Dr. Crusher remains in sick bay for most of the game, apart from the ending.

Tricordering her results in the following: Dr. Crusher's pigment shows signs of well, not being there.

Talking to him offers the following selections and pre-recorded responses, respectively:
Hee Hee. I got your stand-up. Hee Hee. "That must be tempting."
You have drained your pigment! "I'm prepared to accept the consequences."
What's in Tylenol, huh? "I have no idea."
This stupid game is driving me insane! "I want you to relax."

• 
  Capt. Montgomery Scott, XL (James Doohan)—accessible only via cheat, NPC Scotty remains in the transporter room for the entire game.

Tricordering him results in the following: Scotty's got chicken bones jammed in his throat, but he doesn't care.

Talking to him offers the following selections and pre-recorded responses, respectively:
I think I'll throw away some leftovers. "That'd be inhuman."
Where are those experimental fatburgers? "I gave them a very good home."
I have an idea... a Dysan's Deep Fryer. "Can you imagine the engineering skills needed to design such a structure?"
Beam me somewhere. "Aye, sir."

• 
  Q (John de Lancie)—accessible only via cheat, NPC Q remains hidden for the entire game.

Tricordering him results in the following: John de Lancie's been on 800 different TV shows.

Talking to him offers the following selections and pre-recorded responses, respectively:
I finally found you! "I thought you'd never get here."
What's the meaning of life? "How little do you mortals understand."
Bitch, I'm gonna kick your ass. "You will be destroyed."
I'll show you all my fucked up faces. "I think you are repulsive."

• 
  Shuttlecraft ZERO (non-speaking role)—accessible only via cheat, the shuttle remains in the shuttle bay for the entire game, unless taken out for a trip to Risa.

Tricordering it results in the following: Where's the X-Wing?

Talking to it (as with any other inanimate objects) results in the following random written responses:
♬ Meow meow meow meow ♬
Two plus two is four...
TREKMA beats A FINAL UNITY any day.
I am Vizznr.
Yo.
Yo yo.
Don't worry, be happy.
Euff.

Non-playable characters

• 
  The Big Black Guy from Police Quest I (non-speaking role)—remains in the brig for the entire game.

Tricordering him results in the following: It's the big black guy from Police Quest I!

Talking to him results in the following written response: Hey man, get me out of here! I didn't know it was illegal to copy disks!

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  Richard Garriot—aka Lord British, rules Britannia. Still.

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  David Duchovny—aka Agent Mulder, investigates shit.

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  Gillian Anderson—aka Scully, she's an FBI Agent.

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  MC A.T.—a long-haired Japanese rapper, busts out his dope rhymes to a funky fresh rhythm. See also: m.c.A·T

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  Krusty the Clown—a blue-haired jester, his job is to make you laugh.

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  Donny Pfastor—aka Freakboy, is the new delivery man.

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  Sho is a young Japanese child who kicks ass at Street Fighter II. If you tell him you're a master at it, too, he warns you against pride; if not, then he recommends you learn more combos. He is reportedly a young Sho Kosugi, which raises unanswerable chronological questions.

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  Yamamoto Mushiro is a samurai who watches the water. His name is likely taken from the movie Fong Sai-yuk II. His philosophy is based on the teachings of 17th century samurai Musashi Miyamoto, at least according to the authoritative reference, Time Machine 3: Sword of the Samurai (from the publishers of the Choose Your Own Adventure series).

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  Father Antos-Mohammed is an old druid who is strangely familiar, despite the single use of his icon, and will bless you in the name of Allah, the Beneficient, the Merciful or call you an ibn-himmar. Leave him, and it's all good: السلام عليكم. Father Antos played an important role in Ultima II and appeared in Ultima IV (where he was "strangely familiar" to the player character). He has retained his Catholic title despite his apparent conversion to Islam.

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  Jude, a filthy beggar, is a bum, too? Jude is a key character in Ultima IV who directs the player to the Skull of Mondain, an artifact necessary to complete the game (and he plays a similar role here).

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  A bearded black man who considers his identity irrelevant doesn't want to be there, either.

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  Madonnius is some guy who's a trader. He trades in secrets - his name is derived from the pop singer Madonna who recorded the 1994 song "Secret."

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  Nameless town guard.

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  Nameless beggar. One of several identical-looking inhabitants of the castle poorhouse whose presence serves mainly to obfuscate the search for Jude. His dialog contains allusions to the 1986 film The Golden Child and an early 1990s Saturday Night Live sketch featuring Rob Schneider as a passive-aggressive street guitarist.

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  Kim Gunmo—a Korean singer who's in his pops. A response to his question must be input as romanized Korean.

Really, really non-playable characters

• 
  Chuck the Plant—© Lucasfilm Games.

Characters I added to yet another category just to get the contents box

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  Huang-Fei Hong—subject of study by the Captain. Is it merely his recreational interest in archaeology, or could he be investigating the strange lack of personal records on one of his officer candidates?