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An enterprising Reddit hacker hijacked the popular sub and spoiled much of the remaining season (had to double-check about Hot Pie, because if anything that was a squandered opportunity to bring up Lady Stoneheart instead), proving not only is it not what you know and others don’t, but what they don’t want to.

The Flash is set to be the new Spider-man, as I’ve always felt he deserved. I would’ve gone nuts for this as a wee lad—and consistency being my thing nowadays, my favorite incarnation of the wall-crawler really is the 70’s TV series—as cool as I thought even the laughable effects were at the time:
A being who can move so fast as to put everyone else in slow-mo, essentially freezing them from his perspective of time, then speed back up at will, is basically a god, isn’t he? I don’t think I really could appreciate this in 3rd or 4th grade as I drew up plans for my own career as a superhero, relying on running (I must’ve won a race or two in PE against my African-American classmates to inspire such confidence, which is more than I can say about my recent performance at the Mother’s Day picnic) with “magnesium flares” in my shoes.

Night before this long-awaited reveal I dreamed I saw the 2016 movie, was underwhelmed by the moment, and life went on as usual afterward. Batman and Superman were lovers, and had just gotten out of bed together and left it unmade. In behind-the-scenes footage, a stuntman dressed as Spider-man did a backflip off a second-story platform, but he was much taller than it looked.

I was to say the least disappointed that the villain’s convincing argument for order fell apart with a classic Hollywood dealbreaker, because I hadn’t envisioned one to conclude a similar story I had begun writing in high school, about a Ford Prefect-like alien who passes himself off as a student and learns that other extraterrestrials were behind the scenes, guiding the course of young minds on the planet. As embarrassing as they may read (I actually thought the name “Entrepreneur Transman” made a clever acronym), I should transcribe the Selectric-typewritten pages of the few chapters I had finished if I ever come across them while cleaning up the garage, because if I did save them, like Cheat to Win, on the 200MB hard drive in the Gateway 386/33, they’re as lost as the wonderful Star Trek After Dark screensavers in Windows 3.11 on there, too.

You can play forever, but start learning things, and you’re dead.