“Mickey Mouse's birthday being announced on the television news as if it were an actual event… I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. If I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I would have memorized it years ago… and I'd send him a card: ‘Dear Mickey — Happy Birthday! Love, George.'

“I don't do that! Why? I don't give a shit! Fuck Mickey Mouse! Fuck him in the ass with a big rubber dick… then break it off and BEAT HIM with it!

“I hope Mickey dies. I do… I hope he goddamn dies. I hope he gets a hold of some tainted cheese, and dies lonely and forgotten in the bathroom of some bad building, in a poor neighborhood, with his hand in Goofy's pants.

“Mickey Mouse… no wonder no one takes our country seriously! We waste valuable news time informing our citizens of the age of an imaginary rodent!”