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Whatever fleeting impulse had me queue up this classic (and for the record that ought to have been, “I go through the same thing at parties like this every weekend”—I distinctly recall the nerve this awkward finale struck at 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning after returning from one), it still makes me laugh.Tina Fey may titillate my dreams with platonic rewards, but her show has become a cast of predictable caricatures, a fate that probably befalls every ongoing production; Parks & Rec is next, and Community’s well on its way, if not already there. Come to think of it, Abed’s disassociative identity does remind me of Being There’s Chauncey Gardiner, played by Peter “Hrundi V. Bakshi” Sellers himself.

My free time’s mostly consumed with playing superhero (alas, not in any real heroic sense, such as a role model to my son and his generation, but levelling Spectreman—which might just represent the very opposite), so it’s no surprise I’d keep dreaming of being one. 老婆 and I were hiking through the woods, climbing separate paths off the highway, and met up with the rest of our traveling companions at an odd inn. There was something inhospitable about the proprietors, but we couldn’t quite determine what, though gathering for a group picture, we noticed that they were infiltrating our photos through other-worldly means. The viewfinder on the camera would shift as I focused, inserting invisible characters and replacing us with them. I then looked around and noticed her missing, and immediately suspected she had been taken. As it happens, they were tangling with the wrong crew: I assembled my team to action and scanning different frequencies with my super-powered eyesight, spotted silhouettes of them lurking in the distance. And my super-strength was such that I could rip two of them out from their shadowy dimension and threatened the frightened man that unless they returned her to us, I’d tear him apart with my fingers.

I was outside in the snow with my son (or was I the son, the perspective kept changing so I couldn’t be sure), when just over an embankment a snow-rhinoceros appeared and looked our way. I tried slowly crawling away in my seated position, but when it appeared to take notice, I suggested we run for it.

Just crawled out from under the comforter and had a dream I was watching an episode of Star Trek where Geordi was doing something or other and a person could be seen in the background who was clearly a dead character by then. The YouTube or whatever it was zoomed in on the partially obstructed view of a gray-garbed one-armed old man. The mystery behind it all left me with a chill, one with which I’d wake up: the subconscious reminding me to cover up.

Earlier I dreamt John was featured in a scene from the upcoming Transformers movie, and the clip was also online. He was being presented with a lit cake, in a train station or flight terminal, when the explosions start, and he (or a convincingly digitally-inserted stuntman, because it did look quite painful) leaps for cover onto a bench, then is flung onto another, rolling over another body, before a brother jumps forward with the sad commentary that, aw, man, and it was his birthday!

Granted I didn’t give them much in the way of concrete material to work with (my bare memory of “infiltrating a foreign government posing as a double… but exposed in the end”, which didn’t even use up their 140-character limit), so it’s hardly what I’d call satisfying. Besides, does anyone really dream in metaphor?

…Well, not really, and I don’t remember enough of the details to back up the claim, but I did “wake up” from where I had been sleeping no less than six times in succession (as many as ten, though after a while I must’ve tired of starting over the same way after each commercial in Star Trek: the Next Generation’s “Cause and Effect” and drifted off to other scenarios). No evidence of Nolan’s ingenious layering, but as demonstrated before, the effect is to realize you’re dreaming with the second or third and just have at it, such as the Groundhog Day-inspired “Window of Opportunity” episode of Stargate SG-1.

Not the first of the year, because last night was like most these days, USA-network marathons in my mind, but this one I recall: I was playing an FFXI-ish videogame, and like one of those challenges where you have to wait for the proper alignment of mobs before moving (like the low-level run through Delkfutt’s Tower for that first Moogle expansion pack), four Shogun Warriors surrounded me in a small room. My impatience got the better of me, and I made a break for it, with at least two of them in pursuit. There was the usual incongruity between my fleeing avatar and myself, and the latter just stepped out of the simulated world through a service exit. I was, however, still in a foreign environment, and seeing movement at the end of a hall, thought to stay as out of sight as possible. Hugging the back wall led to a restroom, where I hoped to find a spare guard’s uniform. None of the khaki-green outfits were my size, and a cleaning lady asked me where I had come from; I tried to get away with an exotic change of subject by asking her if she was familiar with Japan. Never do that, I would learn, unless you’re sure of where you are, because, as it turns out, we were there: I proceeded outside and a large window revealed a snow-covered mountain and a marvelous high-tech bridge leading to it. The woman reported me to the staff, and soon I was being led away through these offices of the game developer. An old friend from Santa Clara spotted me in the lobby and approached.

Perhaps the routine of parenting turns up the subconscious, because 老婆 is saying all the dreaming’s leaving her less rested, too. Me, I brushed with celebrity, seated in the back next to an embarrassed Johnny Depp at a gala honoring Anne Hathaway, then played House’s brother like Frasier’s Niles on an action-packed paparazzi escapade, and last night made a big ruckus at a Ralphs counter over an improperly-delivered piece of cheesecake. (Which seems unlikely, after downing a cream cheese-filled crêpe at IHOP last weekend.) The act felt so forced that I woke up questioning whether or not I keep it up only to qualify myself with character. But today at Vie de France was an utter twat who insisted on having a conversation with some acquaintances standing at their table in a room full of seated patrons who had waited over thirty minutes for theirs. He kept his arm around his partner, who occupied the fourth chair for the party of three and listened as he broadcast his drivel. Bugged the hell outta me. So no, it’s who I am.

Try as I might, I cannot recall anything before the plane crash, which was in actuality a heist getaway. Three of our crew revealed themselves as impostors—maybe even aliens—just before bailing, and left us on our own as we trekked back towards civilization. The path along the rugged hillside where we landed eventually produced a square house, but upon closer inspection, it was a facsimile, then another. The third, a split-level vacation home, was occupied, and the couple we caught returning from grocery shopping allowed a blond woman among us to use their cellphone to call relatives she assured us were trustworthy. Her word, however, wasn’t good enough for me, and I ran for it into the night, recommending Daryl from The Office to do the same as I passed him and others relaxing outside. She betrayed us and the police arrived for the rest of them.

Seems like my whole department was on the lam with me, and our pictures were on the news. Mine appeared towards the end, so I hoped I would avoid detection by the public. I nervously boarded a train, but changed cars when I felt the heat was on. This one was oddly shaped like a triangle, with two entrances at one corner split by a wall: I sat along the far side, and when a Black afro’d police officer entered, searching for me, I hid my head under my hoodie. Luckily so did a number of other young men to my right; one caught his attention and he drew his weapon, shouting at him to show himself; in the confusion I calmly walked to the other exit on the left and discreetly hurdled some passengers to get out.