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I think this will be the name of the game idea I had about finding a bathroom in time, and the oft-perilous journey that entails, forcing strategic decisions between locations far and near, braving hordes of obstacles and competitors, all the while the ominous meter gauges your remaining willpower to hold it in. Different “levels” could take place in crowded department stores, highway rest stops and even your own home during family get-togethers.

Here’s what I have so far for an eponymous homophonic one-off from my planned next season of “Still Not Happening” strips—

Narrator: *Our story begins, as did life on the planet
With all that water and what happens if you don’t plan it.*

Narrator: *Relief is a short distance away, but alas
The wait to receive it longer, unless you were a lass?*

Narrator: *Fate is a harsh mistress and when you will meet her
Is tracked by a remaining strength-to-hold-it-in meter.*

Narrator: *It suddenly dawns on you what the pastor meant
About overindulgence making for lasting torment.*

Narrator: *The reminders may grate, but you must be bolder
For the pressure is great, like being crushed by a boulder!*

Narrator: *Next time all your might goes to holding in urine
Focus it elsewhere to make the most of the mess you’re in.*

I had this dream I was copying an old documentary about the Pet Shop Boys, at least it looked like Neil Tennant who sat around while his bandmate swapped costumes. The remote for the Betamax featured two buttons on the top row that rewound the tape to the previous chapter and displayed its name, in this case “JOY DIVISION”; the snow in the playback, however, betrayed the technology. The end credits played an alternate version of New Order’s “Temptation” in a different key, and with unfamiliar choral vocals; I forgot the tune an hour after waking.